She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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