Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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