So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
