The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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