Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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