You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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