Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Randomize
