She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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