I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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