I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
