if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
