You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
