i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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