I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
