i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
should my penis look like a turkey
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We left an ass print on the piano.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
