I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ketchup is God's man juice
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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