soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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