The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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