Please, let me fuck your mom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
