She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
