Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
