But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
