my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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