Don't make out with my wife yet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
