WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
