Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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