omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
