who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
