Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
