I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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