everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
