There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
