Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
