I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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