I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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