am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize