Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
