You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
