Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
