Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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