It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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