:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
