I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
