If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
