I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have fence marks all over my body
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
