Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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