...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
