I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
this hospital has no fireball
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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