Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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