and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
