my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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