who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is the high leading the old right now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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