Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
