A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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