Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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