umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
