She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
