The maid of honor just puked.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
