so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
