I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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