I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize