Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
tell me about the eggs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
