Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
