I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I intend to get homeless drunk
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize