just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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