First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
