Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
