Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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