I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
