Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
