i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Someone came in the potted fern
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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