i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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