Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
