Non-Jews are for practice
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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