He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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