I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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