Christians are straight up FREAKS
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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