So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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