Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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