rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
