STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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