I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I touched a dick in church today
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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