There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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