How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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