I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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