i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
