Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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