im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
