Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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