M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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