You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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