College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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