Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
