K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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