So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
