Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
