i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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