wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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