I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
