I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize