Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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